CLIPWING
Senior Member
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2010
- Messages
- 570
- Reaction score
- 159
Subject: Fwd: FW: Pilots and Control Towers
>
>
> Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers.
>
> Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
>
> TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
> here?"
>
> Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
727?"
>
> ___________________________________
>
>
> A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting
> to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked,"What was your last known
> position?"
>
> Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
>
> ___________________________________
>
> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
> after touching down. San Jose Tower noted:
>
> "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are
> able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make
a
> right at the lights and return to the airport."
>
> ___________________________________
>
> A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the
> following:
>
> Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
>
> Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
>
> Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany
> . Why must I speak English?"
>
> Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
>
> "Because you lost the bloody war!"
>
> ___________________________________
>
> Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
> 124.7"
>
> Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
> we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
>
> Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
> Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
>
> Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we
> copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers."
>
> ___________________________________
>
> One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
> the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
> around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in
the
> DC-8 crew got on the radio and said: "What a cute little plane. Did you
make
> it all by yourself?"
>
> The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
real
> zinger:
>
> "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have
> enough parts for another one."
>
> ___________________________________
>
> The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
> short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
> location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
> with some amusement that we listened to the following exchange between
> Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird
206.
>
> Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
>
> Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
>
> The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>
> Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
>
> Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
>
> Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been
> to Frankfurt before?"
>
> Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I
> didn't land."
>
> ___________________________________
>
> While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing
> for Ft Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United
727.
>
> An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming:
> "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto
> Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
> difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
right!"
>
> Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
> hysterically:
>
> Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You
> stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
> progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go
> exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
that,
> US Air 2771?"
>
> "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
>
> Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
silent
> after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
> the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
> cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an
unknown
> pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
>
> "Wasn't I married to you once?"
>
>
>
